Friday, April 29, 2011

Magickal Effects are not Accomplishments

Jason Miller posted Magickal Effects are not Accomplishments Either…. He was discussing the non-relationship between cool magickal effects like visible appearances of spirits or other physical phenomenon and the actual result of the operation. He is quite correct. Naturally, my take on the topic comes tangentially. Oddly, I was going to post on this topic today anyway.

Today, I had some blood work done. I didn’t have an appointment. So, I sat and waited. I decided to observe with my new found senses. First, I looked around. The women were all glued to the television watching things about the royal wedding. A normal human being would just shrug. I got irritated and judgmental. Who would spend a moment thinking of this bs? Freaking idiots! Then again, I watch baseball games and they may think the same thing. These are the type of instant pointless irritations I work to get rid of. As soon as I spotted that one, I did. That is one of those very small victories that can build into something better.

I then opened my mind to see the people from a psychic perspective. What I saw was a bunch of  semi-ill people waiting around trying not to be bored silly. I will let you pause and absorb the import of this great psychic revelation. May I continue? Thank you.

Being bored myself, I decided I had waited long enough and psychically highlighted my name on the list. I was called, had my blood drawn and was walking out the door five minutes later. One could be impressed with that or one could say, “Hey asshole, you really think your day is more important than theirs? Wait your turn.” You’d be right. Two instances of asshole Robert and one victory.

That was a magickal act, with immediate impact in this world that was exactly in line with my intent. I don’t count it as an accomplishment.  The goal of my magick is not such direct power. Though, I do have the privilege of using it from time to time. Using it to be secretly rude is not where this magician’s magick is at.

So, I pop over for a late bagel and coffee as I had to fast for the blood draw. Again, I open my mind and am drawn to one woman that was out of my line of sight. She stood out not because she was beautiful. Remember, I hadn’t seen her. She stood out not because she was the only one in the place with two kids. She pinged my radar because she was the only nervous person in the place. Everyone else was having a peaceful Friday morning. I don’t know why she was nervous. It could have been anything from social anxiety to an ex-husband stalking her. The point was that I could literally feel her internal nervousness for which there was no outer clue. My response was compassion. That is the goal of my magick or at least a stepping stone to the unity I seek.

Other folks may be impressed with my psychic ability to feel the current state of her lower soul without a visual clue. I’m much more impressed that this hard ass Leo felt such compassion. This has been building for some time. The first clue was when I realized so long ago the amount of mental pain so many people are in. That increased my capability for compassion but that is like chucking a few ten pound blocks of ice into the ocean and claiming to have contributed to rising sea levels.

The magickal/psychic abilities one gains over time can be distractions. Is it that hard to imagine someone realizing they have the power to impact mundane reality like I did at the lab today and simply using it to make life easier for themselves and their friends? A person could get stuck in such a state. Worse, one could feel that they have the right to be a secret asshole and take what they want rather than need. Sure, we work hard at this and certain privileges come with that just like with other professions. “Yes Doctor, we have a table for you right over here.”  These privileges are a symptom of the work and may even indicate progress but they are not the goal of the Great Work. They are not an accomplishment. At best, they are markers along a very long path.

Compassion Has its Dangers Too

Today’s compassion is not all that unusual. It has been building. There are many such incidents over the years and becoming more frequent in recent months. Like all blessings, there is a potential trap for the unwary magician.

I have long ago observed that magic users tend to be rather um…er.. promiscuous.  New magick users will often encounter someone with a bit more pop and feel that energy. Rather than seeing it for what it is, they mistake it for sexual attraction. Well, if not a mistake, that energy can be mistaken as exclusively related to sexual attraction. The magician/witch can follow through on that or not. The more experienced of them, recognize the pattern and goes through a thought process before declining or acting on such things.

Little did I know, compassion has the same temptation. When one can feel the pain of others and the comfort such intimate contact can bring, one could be tempted to be compassionate. What a trap! That in the moment compassion could be a battering ram on the soul of another. How easy it would be to give in and tell oneself this is the proper exercise of compassion rather than the true healing magick can offer.

Mistaking the effect for the goal is a deadly mistake.

Avoidance is a Danger Too

One cannot run from such things for there is little to be learned from cowardice. It would be the equivalent of turning one’s back on one’s own heart let alone the pained soul of another. The illusion of success in turning away will only bring the lesson back in a way you don’t recognize. If that happens, the chances of failure are huge.

The false choice here is turning one’s back or acting “compassionately” through sex. There are always two opposing forces and one that reconciles them. My magick is about that path of that reconciliation. 

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Why Leos are Angry

Someone asked me the other day why Leos are so angry. Coming from a fellow Leo, this was a good question. Given all that is going on in my life at the moment, my answer was not complete. I said something like this can be overcome. I am proof of that. Most of the time now, I am not angry at all. I can flash quickly into irritation. I suppose that is a form of anger but I’m not generally angry…anymore. Generally speaking, I am quite content and sometimes happy, when not at work

Are Leo’s angry as a rule? I would say so. Of course, I know of exceptions. That said, most of us have an anger boiling under the surface.  Hell hath no fury like a Leo scorned. I just made that up. Why? Before I answer that, allow me to provide an example of typical Leo behavior.

Years ago, I worked in telecommunications for a county government agency. A higher up in the District Attorney’s office called my boss and asked the prices of fax machines. After hearing the news, this fellow declared that he was going to go to Office Depot and buy three times as many. My boss having twenty years of experience in the field patiently explained why this was a bad idea. The county faxes were more durable and came with support contracts. The fax machines at Office Depot about to be purchased where for home office use and wouldn't be able to handle the traffic. He went on to say that the DA’s office would be back in six months needing service on these faxes as they fell apart. Telecommunications would be unable to service these machines as they will be purchased as office supplies rather than approved telecommunications equipment. Six months later, that same official from the DA’s office called exactly as predicted. He was enraged that Telecom would not solve his self-created problem. The emotional explosion from this guy was volcanic. Was he a Leo? I don’t know but he sure was for that episode.

My workplace lesson there was to listen to the experts. This fellow may have been a fine attorney but my boss was an expert in telecom. These are both very useful skills but they are not interchangeable.

So what went on here? There was a complete lack of respect for the expertise of the telecom guy. There was defiance over the fact that his idea was being rejected. There was the false assumption that my boss was being an obstructionist.  There was the false assumption that a Leo idea is by definition superior to a non-Leo construct. These are symptoms to the problem. They are not the problem itself. Though, those symptoms do lead to anger.

The real problem is that this fellow sought to impose his view of the ‘right’ reality on others and was willing to run over the rules of purchasing, expert advice, and the emotional state of the other person involved, my boss, to do so.

In most matters of human interaction, if your view is correct, you do not have to impose with the force of a charging lion or a stubborn mule.  If you’re in the right place, you rarely have to run around finding people that agree with your preconceived notions. When you are in the right place, people simply notice. Though, few humans are in the right place.

Please do not assume I am saying that the Leo’s are the arrogant jackasses of the universe. All the astrological signs have arrogant jackass qualities. Leo’s are simply more obvious about it. 

You will never hear me claim to be an expert on astrology. Though, I am starting to learn some. Over the years, I have made some broad observations that, for me, prove my point that most humans are as arrogant as Leos. If nothing else, those signs should search within whenever they encounter and arrogant Leo and ask themselves what they are arrogant about.

The fixed signs, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius and Taurus, generally have very closed minds. They reach a decision and further input is simply not warranted. After all, they didn’t make a bad decision. Counter proofs are therefore invalid. Both Leos and Aquarians hold the idea that they are just misunderstood. Though they act that out in different fashions. I'm not sure if the other two have this trait as well.

With mutable signs, Sagittarius, Pisces, Gemini and Virgo, I must admit I haven’t fully figured them out. They are quite open minded as a rule. Gemini may be an exception but soon personality one will overrule personality two and it looks like they are mutable. Mostly, they are oppositionally stubborn internally. Sounds like hell on wheels to me. Regardless, mutables are so open minded that they often cannot hold to a decision or simply run with the crowd. The arrogant part is they will permit any damage done to anyone outside the crowd. They feel being part of the crowd is so much more important than the damaged folks outside of said crowd.

Cardinal signs, Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn like to start things but just don’t have the energy to carry them through. They have the vision, get folks riled up and running off in that direction and then the cardinal sign simply stops running, leaving the work of making that vision happen to others. They then feel very self-satisfied of having accomplished something. In reality everyone else did all the work.

The signs can also be grouped by element.

Fire signs, Aries, Leo and Sagittarius usually have sexual and anger issues. They will readily admit or imply that yes, they are the most important person in the equation. I am not really sure if that makes them the most arrogant or the most honest. Most folks put their best interests well before those of others.

Water signs, Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces are very much about secrets. They all have a variety of ways acting this out. A Cancer will hide things because it is none of your business and besides, revealing secrets is not safe, never mind that those secrets hide the real you from those that love you. What is more arrogant that self-indulgently justifying causing pain by withdrawing into your fears? Scorpios will see and reveal your secrets for...well who really needs a reason? Pisces will withhold secrets for your own good or because they simply judge you as arrogant for wanting to know.

Air signs, Libra, Aquarius and Gemini have a problem with honesty. They will say anything to convince others of their point of view full well knowing they will tell the next person completely contradictory things in order to sway them too. At the same time, they will work hard to keep these people from comparing notes. Should those notes be compared, those doing so engaged in an act of betrayal. I once asked a couple of Libras why they do this when it is obvious to everyone around them they are lying. The response from both was the same. Yes they were lying and yes they knew they were lying when they said it but they believed it at the time they spoke. Um...what? Keep in mind, neither of them knew the other's response to the question and the incidents being discussed where different.

Earth signs, Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo are another tough one for me. For the most part, they have spiffy homes. I like the way they decorate. In general, their spirituality is quite muted as practical concerns take over. Perhaps they are so practical the emotions of others have little import. I have less confidence in my assessment of earth signs than any other.

To summarize the base traits elementally: Fire (anger/sexuality), Water (Secrets), Air (honesty) and Earth (over-practicality?)

All of the above is a work in progress, as are all of my attitudes, assumptions and ideas on such things.

Oh, you really want to know why Leo’s are so angry? Read the above, Leo’s instantly find the negative side of everything. No wonder they are miserable.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Confirmation and the Big Lesson

Well, it has been an interesting day. As I posted, I had a little chat with my Dad Sunday.

Part of that post was this exchange:

Dad again, “You can’t think about what you are trying to do. It isn’t about thought.” “Yes,” he said to my thought, “I served [like a Pisces – my term not his]. But none of that military stuff mattered. The most important thing you can learn right now is the everyday kindness that [the Gentle Soul] is teaching you.”

“I am not good at that.”

“Get good. That is really what matters in life. The military stuff, politics none of that matters. It is the everyday that has import. [The Gentle Soul] can teach you that. Learn from her.”

Today, I received a very long series of tests from the Psychic. She has had a host of serious medical issues and overdosed on her pain medication. She had a near death experience. She watched her body twitching in death, saw all of her friends flash before her eyes, visited a sister and told her she didn't want to die. At that point, she shot back into her body.

The lesson she learned from this was compassion and unconditional love for all these people, nothing else matters.

That is good enough for me. There are too many coincidences, convergences and lessons going around. The lessons are being worded slightly differently but they are all the same. I never thought I'd be confident that I spoke to my dead father but I am.

One of the things I've started to do is to program my responses in advance. I've created little thought forms designed to show love and compassion as I get up in the morning and then watch them work throughout the day. This is an idea I obtained from the Magus of Strovolos book. With this latest confirmation, I will do this daily.

My grumpiness has been a long standing issue for me that I've shared my struggles on here. It seems the Universe is going a LONG way to teach me this one NOW. I plan on learning it this time. I mean really learning it.

Dad Speaks?

I really debated about posting this. One reason is that in reading it, it looks a like a lot of internal comfort stuff rather than communication. On the other hand, I ran it by a friend that knew my dad and asked about the parts that I didn’t understand. She said that those portions really sounded like him. Then I decided to post it regardless of the internal comfort parts as this is obviously part of my Work and that is what this space is about.

The Gentle Soul was with my during my not-so-good Friday and this morning. The woman is a saint. Going through that when a relationship is so new without complaint or as far as I can tell, even a suppressed complaint is quite remarkable and I didn’t see any of that.

Frankly, I was using her. Simply put, it was easier to man up when she was there. Falling apart would have been so out of character for me that my family just may have lost it. Instead, what I will remember the most about that Friday will be the comic relief. That is quite a gift.

Over coffee and a bagel, the Gentle Soul asked me if I would ever speak to my dad again like I did on Friday. I answered that I didn’t know. I know the theory about different parts of the personality fading but that theory isn’t a reality for me.

She was gone about fifteen minutes before I felt him. He called me Bob. I never thought about what name he used for me before. He never really used my name much when speaking to me.

He asked why could hear him and my sister could not. I told him my sister wants to believe in the after-life. I, on the other hand, am I magician and I can distinguish my own voice from his. This made sense to him.

He told me not to grieve but to remember baseball games, bike rides and dinners. He told me to remember all the times he took care of me. Once you allow yourself to grieve that everything you remember comes with the grief and those memories are what ‘you own’. There is no need to cloud them up. He told me not to look into the pool.

I understand that but that will be difficult.

He told me that my grandmother was there. “And Granddad,” I asked? I always had a great deal of respect for my grand father.

“Yes, but he is different. He is so ancient [of soul]. She is so young.”

Then he told me that he understood what I was trying to do with magick even though he did not understand how. “You can be what you want to be. You can help A LOT of people. You just have a few more doors to go through. You can do it. You are about as old as your Grandfather.”

“Am I older or younger?”

“I don’t know. At a certain point that distinction doesn’t matter.”
This is one of those things that confuses me. I have been told the dead don’t get any smarter. If this was him, can he see across planes? What would lead him to this conclusion?

“How can I walk through the doors? Can you help?”

He was gone. I saw a circle of masonry held up by columns. Someone said, “First impression.” And text appeared in the masonry. I could not read it. Then I heard, “Second impression.” And more text appeared. Then I heard, “Third impression.” I never could read the text.

“What is happening?” I asked to no one in particular.

“You don’t know? It is much like an initiation, where you are exposed to things that you do not understand but will.” I have no idea whom I was speaking to. It wasn’t my dad nor my HGA.

Did he arrange that? If so, how? Was I aware of enough due to his presence to connect to something? Was that all pure fantasy?

Dad again, “You can’t think about what you are trying to do. It isn’t about thought.” “Yes,” he said to my thought, “I served [like a Pisces – my term not his]. But none of that military stuff mattered. The most important thing you can learn right now is the everyday kindness that [the Gentle Soul] is teaching you.”

“I am not good at that.”

“Get good. That is really what matters in life. The military stuff, politics none of that matters. It is the everyday that has import. [The Gentle Soul] can teach you that. Learn from her.”

That was the part that didn’t sound like my dad but my friend explained to me how it really was. He’d have never said that in life but he did demonstrate it.

“From here I can see the love people have for you. [My mentor], [Bakersfield folks whom he couldn’t name]. It is too bad you cannot feel what they feel for you but most people can’t…”

This is great irony coming from my father. He could not even utter the words I love you to his own mother. He did love her and tried to show it but he couldn’t very well and could never say it.]

“You can feel [The Gentle Soul] though. You know [what she feels for you]. That is good.”

These things are not exact quotes. From time to time, I thought that he isn’t using the same words or phrasings my father would use. Other times, the tone was so right that it had to be him.

Somehow, all of this is telling me to work the path of Pisces to find that kindness. We will see. 

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Life, Death and Spiritual Context

There are some folks that would say that my recent posts about death and the recent passing of my father are coincidences. With these folks I am not concerned. There are those that may consider the idea that my recent work on the path of Death caused the death of my father. Before you think it, no. I have not had any communications to that effect. I have simply heard the question asked in similar circumstances. So, I assume that someone out there has had the thought cross his or her mind.

Situations like this give a spiritual or learning context to the normal events of our lives. I will use the Golden Dawn system as an example.Where I in the water grade, Practicus, the primary lesson here would be emotional. Perhaps, it would be my job to learn to deal with grief, the emotional support of others, providing emotional support, dealing with other people while in a state of emotional difficulty or a host of other things. 

In this case, the lesson may be that death really means very little. In may mean something else. I haven't considered this very deeply yet. So, allow me to pause and read these past posts and see if there is a clue there.


My Past Lives
Surrendering to Death
Along the Path of Death

I found this, " "This is why death does not matter." I was shown the earth from so far above. "Wars do not matter. Rapes do not matter. Trials and pains do not matter." The vision was so vast as to point out all our human fears, pains and trials are nothing to the universe. "What matters is the continual birth." The dark soil from yesterday's vision came alive in a riot of colors, watered by acceptance."

"This is why death does not matter." Sounds very much like my father's words to me yesterday, "Then he told me all of this doesn’t matter. Death doesn’t matter at all."

This boys and girls, is why you keep a diary. One can argue that I wasn't speaking to my dad yesterday. One cannot argue that these words in my head, echoed other words in my head from the past. Something internal is trying to teach me something.

Maybe.

Such is the Work of a magician.

Speaking of Practicus

I have noticed that I am getting lessons about all the elements of late. Fire, Water and Earth issues have been readily apparent. Air is hiding or more subtle but I am sure it is out there.

Past Lives

I was given more insight into this today while in a half-dream state. It was most interesting but I'm not up to recording more at the moment.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Speaking of Pass Over

My father passed over today suddenly. While he was well past seventy, a long time diabetic and obviously in decline, it was quite a shock. He probably suffered a heart attack or stroke. I will eulogize him in this space sometime in the near future.

When I heard the news, I was calm and fine. By the time I got home from work, I was not. It was a bit hard to keep it together. However, I knew I had family to see. Showing up as a mess would not have served them well. So, I fixed it.

I popped into my temple room, did the LBRP, the BRH and the called up upon the god name of Geburah and asked for strength, not severity. I asked that I be given the strength to serve my family. I called the angel and before I could ask for that, he told me to call the hierarchy of Chesed as well. After the angel, I called the choir.

The god-name resonated in my head, the angel in my torso, and the choir around my waste to my legs like a skirt.

I called upon the hierarchy of Chesed and asked to be shown what form of mercy each person needed. I experienced the same sensations in my body.

Oddly, the day went much better than one should expect. We spent a lot of time laughing. I do have the ability to be comic relief but I wasn’t the only one.

At one point, I felt the spirit of my father. He was gloriously excited. He was amazed that ‘"you folks were right", meaning he was still aware. he didn't believe in an after life. He was thrilled that he could see, “it is so bright here. Dad I can see!” Then he told me all of this doesn’t matter. Death doesn’t matter at all. "Next time around, I will be your son."

He could tell I was going to take some of his grave dirt for use in protecting my home. I told him it was traditional to leave an offering and I wasn’t about to leave him alcohol. He didn’t drink after an incident involving Peppermint Schnapps in his twenties. He asked me to leave a baseball, as it always reminded him of me. It had to be used one.

I will do that, Dad. I will do that. 

Passover Seder


I am a pagan man. I also have some very logical issues with some mainstream religions and some unfathomable negative emotional reactions to them. Jason Mankey over at Deep Pagan Thoughts, posted an article in which he made a few logical arguments against, as he puts it, holidays that celebrate death. He places the Jewish Passover among them.

I found the timing of this article rather odd, as while I share some of his logical conclusions, I had just attended a Passover Seder and enjoyed every minute of it.

As I spend a little more time around the Jewish community, I get more and more confused about the difference between Pagans and Jewish folks. They are tribal. They sing songs about brave women. Their feasts are full of symbolic meaning. The love and acceptance flows. There are prayers for the healing of the ills of the world with a very current context.

I could feel the energy of the Seder and Passover. I found that amazing given that as far as I could tell the gathering consisted of two Jewish people and a few pagans. So, this was not an orthodox event. Half the time people just winged it but I did experience the flavor. Quite frankly, the ritual food was terrible. It was supposed to be. This is a remembrance of their slavery and the Exodus.

After the formal feast, there was real food, which I really enjoyed. I had a good time. Then Jason reminded me of the story Passover celebrates from a pagan mindset. It does celebrate some very violent stuff and the lore makes the cultural claim of slavery rather dubious in my mind. Though, I did disagree with Jason from time to time. Specifically, Jason wrote,

If anyone asks me why I'm not a monotheist I'll point to this story [Passover] every time. And don't give me that "your Greek Gods were jack asses" argument either. People take the above stuff literally, Pagans and ancient mythology, not so much.

I work with Hermes a great deal. I may not believe the literal truths of the myths but I do believe those myths reveal the essential character of the god. Hermes, among the other attributes I love, is a trickster and thief. I take the lore very seriously, which is likely why I have such a hard time with the followers of the desert god. I believe the lore, which is extraordinarily violent and war-like, reveals his essential character as well.

That said, their god has a kindly and loving lore too. I am sure this is what I felt from the egregore-like Spirit that moved about the Passover table. Yes, while I cannot fathom my emotional reactions to some monotheistic systems, I stand by my logical conclusions. That said, I felt that peace. I acknowledge the contradiction. There is something else here.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Score Card on the HGA Instructions

Last time I wrote about the asked for and received instructions from my HGA. Let's see how I did in following those...

You must buy new clothes. This is not a want but a need. Never mind the money. Just like the removal of aspartame has impacted your body and spirit so too will this. Buy high quality footwear.

This I did and am going back for more clothing on Wednesday.

You have always noticed that the flaw in the GD system is that there is no health component. The body is virtually ignored. To move and improve your body is your work in ZAM. You are not there yet but such work is not always linear. Begin now.

I went for a two mile walk that day. There is no way I could have done that tonight or tomorrow. Maybe Wednesday.

It is time to apply yourself to GD studies again. Turn off the ball games. Again, you will be happier in this and this will help your spirit, just like removing aspartame. It is also important for [censored]*.

Fully no time at all for this. Maybe Thursday.

She is what you think she is. [This is in regards to the Gentle Soul.]

This is a bit confusing. This is not referring to the obviously implied (to me). I am not sure what is being talked about.

I will continue to show you past lives. Yes, they are real past lives. Like everything else, your understanding and perception of them will grow.

No more info here.

Trust in your silence. Have complete trust in it. 

This was an utter and complete failure. The test came in an obvious place that I did not expect. At least, I realized it toward the end.

Next time:

I attended a seder.
My analysis of the symbol given to me and revealed in the last post.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

A Little Chat with the HGA

Sometimes, learning something new makes me feel dense. It really shouldn’t. We all learn in our own time. That doesn’t change my perception that I should have learned it sooner. I have never claimed in this space to be a mental genius. I strive only to fully manifest spirit. That is only interrupted by a little thing I’ve been trained to call the ego, which I now call the little personality.

At some point last night or this morning, I realized that I have the perfect teacher, my HGA. All I have to do is pray and ask for instruction and it is provided. My little personality has nothing to figure out about what I should and shouldn’t do to learn more. All I have to do is ask and it will be given. Today, I asked. I am sure this is out of order.

How can I hold the faith the Magus of Strovolos has in the divine?

Pray. Have this symbol by you but pray through it. Do not become an idolater and worship the symbol. See through it as an image of your understanding a focal point.

I looked at this symbol in my mind’s eye for a bit and understood. Immediately the image changed. The new symbol was explained to me like this. 

The circle is the Divine, Its Beingness. The inverted pentagram is what I am doing now. Manifesting the spirit the balanced elements in earthly life. The triangle reflects an adoring practice of the One, the Helpful Deity and Hermes. Ceremonial magicians and their linear forms! I am so glad I am not a cryptographer! The coloring was mine as the lines without the red triangle color were simply a mess to look at.

You must buy new clothes. This is not a want but a need. Never mind the money. Just like the removal of aspartame has impacted your body and spirit so too will this. Buy high quality footwear.

You have always noticed that the flaw in the GD system is that there is no health component. The body is virtually ignored. To move and improve your body is your work in ZAM. You are not there yet but such work is not always linear. Begin now.

It is time to apply yourself to GD studies again. Turn off the ball games. Again, you will be happier in this and this will help your spirit, just like removing aspartame. It is also important for [censored]*.

She is what you think she is. [This is in regards to the Gentle Soul.]

I will continue to show you past lives. Yes, they are real past lives. Like everything else, your understanding and perception of them will grow.

Trust in your silence. Have complete trust in it. 

* There are a few things about my life that I feel it is best to keep off the blogs. This wouldn't be any big deal to 99% of readers but it could put me in a maelstrom with folks that do not normally comment here.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

My Past Lives


Last night, I posted that I couldn’t get in my temple room. I was letting my magick percolate. This much was true. However, that post allowed me to put some things together. The key phrases in that post were:

Magick is a verb
let the magick work
I think that has to do with my workings of the the Devil and the Tower
I met with a friend last night

The first phrase is self-explanatory. The second was really saying what I have done. The third was a real clue as the Path of the Tower was more of a reworking and didn’t have much impact. I meant to type the path of Death. The friend held part of the clue, the book I am reading was another and last night’s post was the third. Though, the post was the really the big clue that allowed me to spot the two clues I had missed.

So why did I drop out the Path of Death when I wrote yesterday’s post? Because I am not done! What can I do to work that Path of Death? That was the fatal question.

The above mentioned friend has mentioned her work with past lives. The Magus of Strovolos speaks of past lives as he reveals his ontological perspective. So, why not remove the fears of death and change by learning about my past lives? I believe if reincarnation but I don’t know reincarnation is reality. Perhaps now is the time to find out.

I asked my HGA to show me a past life as I feel asleep last night. Then I changed it. I said show me a past life that contains something I need to learn now. I don’t know what I was expecting. What I got was a picture of Holland. My surroundings showed me I wasn’t poor. For the time period, I may have been quite rich. I don’t know. I felt it was at least a couple hundred years ago, maybe more. The time period wasn’t important. What was important is that my wife was dead. Suicide. I saw her laying on the floor in a blue and white dress. There was blood. 

The gist of it was is that I loved her but I couldn’t open my heart fully to her. I was always looking for something better or more to the point, afraid something better would come along. Eventually, she sought satisfaction elsewhere and killed herself due to the torment of guilt and divided love. Gee, I can’t see any time in my current life where I’ve done that. Cough. COUGH. Cough.

Today, I took steps to not do that with the Gentle Soul.

I also had a dream where I was an Asian of some variety. I sat at the feet of two masters. They wore red robes with a golden inner robe. That is as far as I will go with that one.

Where these past lives? Or where these simply direct lessons from my HGA in the guise of past lives? I don’t know. Does the reality of it really matter at this point? I think not. However, I do think it will. I will do some more work on this.

Here are two links to the posts on walking the Path of Death. 




Friday, April 15, 2011

Magick Interupted, Is Magick Done

The Need to Stop

When it comes to magick, I work pretty hard it at. I've learned to play at it too. I think of myself as living a magickal lifestyle.

Over the years of magical career, I have learned something. Magick is a verb. At one time, I thought that meant that one has to do magick to live magick. However, that would mean the magician is a verb. Sometimes the magician has to stop. He must be also be an observer. He must also let the magick work. He must also let the magick be the verb all on its own.

This is the alchemical equivalent of a long slow heating process. Things take as long as they take.

I can be active in many ares of magick right now. I can learn, teach, study. I cannot get in my temple room and progress that way. I think that has to do with my workings of the the Devil and the Tower. That work has not reached completion. The magician has acted. Now, he must be patient.

Perception of Another's Soul

I met with a friend last night. As she began describing the state of her soul, I used my sight and looked. I had a definiate perception of the part of the soul she brought up. As her story unfolded, I realized my vision very closely corresponded to her self-perception. This is good. My sight is certainly improving in solid ways.

My attitude as a magician has prompted me to ask questions like, did I see her soul or was I granted a vision of her perception. The distinction is important if she was wrong. I cannot think of a way to determine which is which.

In a more mystical realm, I saw what I saw. I can accept my perception as valid.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

How My Self-Belief Impacted My Magick

I have been thinking about a serious answer to the belief in magick thread.

I can say that belief did impact my magick but not in a way that I've seen others have recently talked about. I believed in magick soon after the first person in my life told me he was a magician. However, I didn't believe I could do it. When I did my first spell, out of Buckland's Candle Magic, I had the beginner's good luck that is oft spoken of. Still I didn't believe in my abilities.

Over the following years I did many acts of magick. Those that showed clear results immediately, I knew I did. There were a couple where I simple "knew" they worked well after I fired them off. Soon after this gnosis, I was made directly aware of the results. Most spells though did nothing. I didn't believe I had real talent in this arena. Magick worked. However, I wasn't very good at it. This belief kept me from doing much spell work.

Many many years past before I realized that the goal of a spell I released many years prior had been achieved. I looked back and realized that every spell I did eventually manifested in what I wanted. With a few notable exceptions, the all worked in a very positive manner. Holy cow! I could do this stuff.

That belief allowed me to do much more magick, and helped me to look for the various ways my magick manifested. The work I did had greater and greater effect because I eventually figured out how to do my magick. This not only involves the techniques used but the attitude I need when I do them.

Yes, I know. I didn't address the question everyone else was debating. They did a good enough job on that. I was just examining how my beliefs impacted my learning curve.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Psychic Health

Recently, I posted about the Psychic Wounds of others that I have encountered of late and how sensing those wounds impacted me. I decided that I was going about things a little backwards. Yes, sensing wounds is important if one wants to aid in healing, for varying definitions of healing, but why not look for something more positive?

Today, I decided to look for healthy things. At some point, I saw a small girl about 4 or 5 years old walking quietly with her mother. I looked at her and was rewarded by what I immediately senses as 'bounce'. This is that kid energy that makes them run towards the object of their desire for no reasons readily apparent to an adult. No one is trying to race them, nor are they being chased, nor is someone about to take said object. They run for fun and because they are excited. This girl had a rounded bubble of bounce that began just above her head and was about her size in all proportions. It floated behind her a little to the left. That was fun.

How anyone that can sense that and still believe we are stained by some sort of original sin is beyond me. A kid of that age cannot 'sin'. Whatever that is. 

I also sensed some coworkers. I found "I obey the law," and "I am okay." The latter person had found some level of positive self-esteem and mental health. 

Much later in the day I tried to sense someone but the person between us radiated a huge level of fear. That fear had no impact on me at all. 

On another note, most people that come to my home comment on how peaceful it is. Some just want to come over and nap on the couch. It is that way because I do a lot of theurgic magick. That said, I've noticed that I've changed. I am simply not the same guy I was a year ago. That guy, left behind some anger and angst. I can feel that residue when I enter my house. I will be doing a full house cleansing soon. 

On yet another note, I am still amazed at how much better I feel as I continue to eat a little better and stay true to banning aspartame. I have intentionally not gone overboard with eating right. I just want to change a little at a time.

On yet another note, the car is paid off. I've posted a lot about a small magickal act to keep me motivated to pay that off early and it worked. 

Monday, April 11, 2011

Expanding the Personality

Yes but what if you're an asshole?

Apologies but I just couldn't let that one go by.

I am reading the book The Magus of Strovolos. This is required reading for anyone doing the Great Work. It tells the story of an enlightened Christian healer in Cyprus.

In the book the Magus, tells of esoteric philosophy, healing, karma, assuming the karma of others, extrodinary levels of astral travel and of course healing. I am only on page 74. Not only is this book inspiring but, according to the author, it is true.

It is told by the author in the first person as he sits in this man's classes and watches the healings he performs. Much of the wisdom is provided through dialog of an obvious learned and wise man. There are so many sweet lines that I just cannot cover them all here and I will not try. Student's of any level should read this book. This is not merely inspirational but informative.

One of the ideas he presented struck me as my own insofar as this is what I've meant to say but failed to communicate effectively. The idea is that the small current personality sits in the center of the larger immortal personality, what I would call the higher self. That in turn in centered on the center of "God." The work, is about expanding that current personality so that it full encompasses the larger. That in turn expands to be in complete unity with "God".  The broken circle of "God" merely indicates S/He has no boarders.

"The immediate aim is to develop your psychonoetic powers so that you can be of service to your fellow human beings. The ability to carry out exomatosis [astral projection] is a means of psychotherapy, not an end to itself. The ultimate goal is to realize who you are, to become one with God, to become a god. This is what we call Theosis. We are gods," Daskalos said, "but we are not aware of it. We suffer from self-inflicted amnesia. The aim," he reiterated many times, "is to reawaken that which we have always been and we shall always be..."

In my last post, I indicated how I can now brush against things and get a psychic imprint of their pains. I believe this is because my lower personality has expanded a bit. Instead of being just a centimeter in circumference, I am now eleven millimeters.

In a clarification to that post, I don't necessarily think of my meager abilities as powers. They are merely expressions of who I am at the moment. They are the same as my tendency to be quickly irritated. Though, the latter is an expression of separateness that still reigns in my ego and the former an understanding of unity with more than my little personality.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Psychic Wounds

Perhaps the correct word is growing pains. Either way, things were painful this weekend. I think the Gentle Soul helped me through it just by being there.

I have been very open psychically of late. It isn't working for me as I expected such things to work. I can now open and scan a room or person. I can see hot spots. This is very much akin to a blind man feeling for a wound on someone's body. Everything is normal as he slides his hand up an arm. When he gets to the wound he can feel the blood and maybe gauge the length of the cut but not the depth. I can feel the hot spot in a room or on a person. I can feel the pain it causes, even if the person is unaware. I can feel the pain a hot spot in a room throws off. With people, I cannot discern the cause of the painful energy. In a room, I sometimes feel I can.

Closing is a different story. Many times I cannot or close too late.

Being this open means that I get a raw feeling. This is very similar to what I call an sun burned aura when you work magick a bit out of your league. The psychic raw is trying. It isn't emotional. My emotions don't change. However, if I encounter something difficult or draining, the impact on my aura or etheric body does not fade quickly. Even if I sense something harsh and shut down immediately, that harshness gets imprinted. Sometimes, it can literally last all day.

Had I been in negative company during parts of this weekend, these feelings could have made life difficult. As it was, I almost left the room several times over the course of the weekend just to be alone. Everyone was great, there was just too many layers of input.

I really don't feel that makes much sense to the reader. I'm sorry for not being able to write that more clearly.