I mentioned last night that I found my personal place on the astral. Being there, allowed me to realize how I could be so merciful in some situations and unbelievably combative in others.
Tonight, I couldn't sleep. My back hurt just enough to keep me awake but it was really my mind at issue. I simply could not get into sleep range. During such times, I have been known to banish. I have also focused my mind into 'sinking' into the earth. Tonight, I chose to travel to my astral place. I sat up and meditated to the point of taking an astral journey to my place. Once there, I did nothing more than meditate.
It is late and I won't cover what I experienced. I may outline it tomorrow. However, at some level I managed to merge severity and mercy. Several situations of conflict and tension in my life appeared. I was able to start with new perspectives of mercy, based upon memory of other situations. That mercy, I could temper with new portions of severity. I experienced the unification of such things. I felt the beauty of mercy and the love inherent in severity.
I learned to release the conflict of the desire to attain more and more spirituality. Now, I can be at home with where I am. I know I can learn without discounting who I am in the moment. That alone is worth a year's work.
I traveled to a city of minarets and felt the beauty of Islam. Though, in truth, I have no idea what Islam is about in the least. I think I felt the beauty of sincere prayer. I saw the city of pyramids and another of a specific type of trees. I realized these things all mean the same thing from different religious perspectives.
I changed some of the symbols of mercy and severity to things more conventional. By that I mean, sigils I know well. The feeling of being in the magickal 'right place' was pure. This was me at my most magickally powerful. This was me changing myself. At this moment, I am so very moved in writing this.
When it was time to descend, I 'took' these realizations with me. I willed them to manifest in my daily life. Once again, I was received instruction to see these realizations on the faces of those I see. This is similar to the Helpful Deity's instruction. Only this time, I am to look for mercy. I am to see the mercy I can feel and show them. Once found, I can look for the needed severity to balance out the process.
I pray this is as life changing an experience as it feels like right now.
I am deeply grateful to three people right now.
The first is my ever so patient mentor. There is no way I could have experienced what I did tonight, without those initiations, his teachings and wise counsel but most of all his patience. As I have said before, there is no way I can repay him.
The second is Jason Miller. Jason taught me what meditation really is. Without that simple teaching tonight would not have been possible. No one else had been able to successfully communicate that to my mind.
Lastly, to the person that reminded me that the Helpful Deity had a name that represents it in Its highest sublime aspect. For it was to that name I have been praying for instruction and that instruction has been continually offered and received.
I am deeply grateful to those people. More than words can say. I can only feel it. I can only try to express it here. I can only work to prepare myself to offer the same to others some day.
Apologies for the severe lack of proofreading. It is late.