Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
There is no need to apologize for ignorance, unless it is willful. We all start somewhere and you’re starting from an excellent place. The ability to ask thoughtful questions puts you well ahead of the game regardless of your field of endeavor.
First, the preliminaries: My first advice is not to convince yourself that you can not do anything. You can connect with male gods sexually, you just haven’t found the key. Then again, how do I know? I’ve never been a lesbian.
Secondly, if you read a little more about the Pan is dead myth, you’ll find that there is some historical doubt to that story. The god referred to may have been Tammuz, not Pan. Having had recent experience with Pan like no other god/dess I’ve experienced, I can assure you that Pan is not dead.
Thirdly, I will leave the relationships between the gods as you experience them and their interrelationships between you and them and not comment on what Cybele may or may not have done.
Finally, the good part, you write, “Does magick allow for continual reincarnation for the sake of change in time, culture and social context?” My answer is an unequivocal yes. The old joke about Golden Dawn Lodges is that a lodge is a group of people that all agree to the same Hebrew mispronunciation. Speaking more on the Golden Dawn, our founders did their best to cobble together the Egyptian god forms and got some of it wrong. That did not prevent the system from working at all. It may contribute to its own peculiar spin within the Golden Dawn framework but that is fine by me. In short, the powers that be adapted to the context into which they were placed.
Gods are not unintelligent barbarians. The may be massive forces but the anthropomorphized faces we get are intelligent and can adapt. One criticism against god form work is that of language. How can a being from ancient Arcadia(Pan) speak English? The answer is he doesn’t. He sends us ideas or impulses and we translate them into words convenient to our understanding. Hence, no matter what is being contacted it is being ‘reincarnated’ or changed to the time, culture and context of the magician.
This impulse to language conversion is why true introspective work is necessary to those that live a magickal life. Those that have not completed the work may be sent an impulse, “You should try mirror magick to contact me,” and translate that into “Hecate said I am the best reflection of her ever!” Personal alchemical work can get the ego out of the way and allow us to hear a more accurate message. “Hecate said I am great at mirror magick and should use that to contact her.” Eventually, with enough work, the same message would translate to “use a mirror to contact Hecate.” The next step is actual contact. But, if we didn’t have contact before, how did we get here? It was Hecate the whole time; the receiver changed enough to allow better communication.
At each of these stages the essential essence of Hecate is being transmitted to the receiver who filters that through herself and thus reinvents the god form within the receiver’s own personal and cultural context. The question is, is that reinvention accurate to who that god really is?
Some would argue that when the symbolism one receives is out of context with the mythology you are not contacting that god. Hogwash. However, it may mean there is a translation error, see above. Then again, this too could be a cultural thing that a god is able to discard. Is an Egyptian sistrum all that different from a tambourine? Or try this example. If Mercury referred to an aircraft, wouldn’t it be insulting to the god to assume that the receiver had not contacted Mercury because the god can not understand the concept of aircraft? After all, airplanes are not mentioned in Greek myth. However, they are part of what is normally associated with Mercury, commerce, travel and as anyone that has been disappointed at the disparity between the advertised departure time and actual take-off can attest, trickery.
However, I do not believe gods venture too far off from their established selves. During my recent experience with Pan, he encouraged some things directly appropriate to his mythology that could cause massive social problems in the modern day United States. A lesser experienced magician may have been overwhelmed and trotted down the path the god wanted or that my ego translated. Instead, I had many long patient conversations with My Gal and Pan. I tend to believe that communication was genuine even though it appealed to my lower nature. That is, after all, where Pan does his best work. He’s a fertility god! As a magician, the choice is now mine. A mindless magician without will is simply a horse. The gods love horses. I have no desire to be such. It is hard to stand up and look a god in the eye. Those that can do so are magicians. Those that can not are not.
Lastly, Pan has no objection to homosexual sex. His myths are full of it. He is not a cultured god with lots of social rules to follow. Pan would love to stir up sex in almost any form. Being ‘riden’ is one thing being a horse is quite another.
I hope this helped. I would also encourage you to read Jason Miller’s blog on a regular basis. The items he discusses may be valuable to you. I’d also encourage you to read, The Cult of Pan in Ancient Greece by Philippe Borgeaud. Hold onto your wallet, my copy set me back over $100 recently but that book is worth every penny. However, before you do that, read this short diatribe on the value of ignorance. You may want to experience some things while still in a state of ‘unknowing’ regarding your particular god or you may not.
Best of Luck,
Fr. POS(aka Frater Bone Head)
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
So, whether I get in or not is not the issue. The fact that they have standards is very good. They are trying to create a well-trained pagan clergy. If they have standards to get in, they have standards of instruction. This is a good sign for pagans everywhere.
1) I have a mentor but the last time I saw him, he barely looked at me. I took no offense. I am simply not on his radar at the moment. The good news is that I'm doing fine. The bad news is I miss my sounding board, even if I need it less and less.
2) I have used a ploy for years. I'd ask questions I already knew the answer to. In the answers supplied, I'd gain something from another person's perspective. This worked out great. Now, such questions are left unanswered.
3) I've asked questions in an effort to find my way from where I am now and get no reply or very terse replies. Sometimes, I get down right angry replies. This from folks that I rarely see angry.
The universe is telling me to stop looking for things externally. I am listening. I will have to make my way on my own. My plan is only half formed. I will undertake a regular schedule of work. It is my hope to develop a discipline focussed on a narrow set of parameters. I will do the following:
1) I will restart the Stavish meditations that started this blog. I was doing well with them but became distracted. I will begin again and perservere.
2) I will start a regular program of evocation. I will start with the elementals and work my way through the planets, using both angels of the qabala and Greek gods. When I'm done, I will simply start over.
The rest I'm not sure about. I think I likely need to undertake some devotional work. Maybe set up altars to gods or elements or something and just be grateful daily. Maybe, I need to take the tech I have and make it more me. Maybe, I need to focus on and improve my HGA evocation technique that I don't blog about. I am missing something and I know it. I simply do not know what.
I work near the welfare office. Every day I walk by and see so-called parents treating their kids poorly. There is lots of yelling and rough treatment. I feel sorry for the kids, not for their financial poverty but their parental poverty.
Today, I saw three men each taking loving care of their boys. The different races represented one emotion, love. Those kids are not poor.
I am going to start using a larger font. Let me know if this is good or bad.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
This weekend my living room/kitchen area was painted. I helped a little but most of the credit goes to My Gal and her mother. The motif is a deep sage green and palish yellow. Natural color bamboo floors will follow soon. Frankly, it sounds horrible but it looks good to our eyes. Previously, the walls were Egyptian Desert Sand, as I called it, or goose turd brown, if you hold to My Gal’s naming conventions.
My first house was much more of a looker. It was of recent vintage and at the end of a cul-de-sac, very nice. While being grateful that I own a home, I have never been particularly proud of this one. It is a 1978 tract home. Aside from nice square footage, about 1,800 feet, it isn’t remarkable.
About a year after moving in, my mentor gave me a collage of my life in our magickal group. I told him then, it turned my house into a home. It was the first thing that was uniquely me that I acquired since my divorce. The new paint, tile and bamboo floors are going to turn this place from a so-so house to something I will really enjoy. I was hoping to have all that done by the time Jason arrived, as it was going to happen this spring anyway, but it is not meant to be. The timing is not a big deal. Things will come together when they come together.
Though, I am amazed at the difference cosmetics can make. I’m not a surface kind of guy. I am always amazed that people fall for what looks right as opposed to what is right. I’ve seen some really poor business decisions made because things had to look right to this person or that person while the underlying reality is ignored.
I want to know who you are, not what other people need to see in you.
Yet, there is a simple pleasure in pointless beauty. I am so going to enjoy this when it is done.
During the painting, I heard her mom talking about how much pain I was in. Frankly, I thought I was faking it pretty well until she said, “If I was in that much pain that often, I don’t think I’d want to live anymore. Life simply wouldn’t be worth living.”
I’m not sure how I feel about that. She wasn’t being mean at all, just making a statement. I’ve never felt my life wasn’t worth living. I am just very uncomfortable from time to time. My Gal and I take pretty good care of each other.
I have felt sorry for myself from time to time. When I’m in a lot of pain and some sixty year old guy is bouncing through Home Depot I think, “
I did notice something odd this weekend. I went to Lowe’s and used one of the electric carts as I can’t stand on that concrete for long when my back is giving me problems. For some reason, I felt less smart. That makes no sense whatsoever. I’m not an insecure man. Did I project what I don’t know I think into the minds of others and have that reflected back? I don’t think so but I have no explanation for it.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Part of my wakefulness had to do with my past. I've worked hard to overcome an obsession over a traumatic magickal group ejection. I've made huge progress, especially with the Pan showing up and the book I've been reading about the Cult of Pan in Ancient Greece.
However, there was a small trigger that occured the other day and resurfaced that just enough to say I'm not done. I as a went to bed and realized I was obsessing and not sleeping, I did an LBRP and spoke to each archangel and explained to them what they were going to do to help me sleep. With Raphael, I very explicitedly stated that he was going to kill those thoughts enough to let me sleep. If I need still more processing that is fine. I will not let that interfere with healthy rest. I could feel the influence from each but especially Auriel (earth).
During the dream, I had images of some friends and other former group mates attempting to help in some aspect of my life. Unfortunately, I can not remember how they were helping but it felt nice. However, I do remember a bird. I folded some sort of material over my head and created a bird head for myself. Then a smaller bird flew into my long beak. I kept thinking "what is this symbolic of?" "This means something." After a while, I opened my beak and out flew the bird.
Now I wonder was this the obsessive thoughts leaving? Or my need to voice something? I can't imagine the latter, I've said it all to no avail.
We are painting as I type. We means My Gal and her mom and I am helping on occassion and paying the bills. They are having a great time and I am getting paint on my walls.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Prices vary between venues and number of talks selected.
I am very much looking forward to meeting him. I don't believe he's ever spoken in California before. Now that he is an expectant father, I doubt he will be back soon. Now is your chance!
Monday, March 16, 2009
John Michael Greer once said the path to success isn't learning a lot of rituals, it is about learning a few and doing them very very well. In short, he was arguing for specialization.
While boring, I wonder what the effect would be of calling up each spirit on the tree, asking him, her and/or it, to purify that part of myself. When one gets to the top, start over over again.
I don't think I have the discipline to do this. It is just a thought.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
- He's Greek and in my face. I'm going to turn that around. Rather than let him lead the party, I'm going to put a ceremonial magick face on this, learn Regardie's Greek versions of the standard rituals and conjure Pan from there. This will give me more of an equal footing. This is proper for being a magician rather than being bowled over by something.
- I have had the proper dreams. I'm qualified to work from Tipereth. The plantary aspects of the tree can be viewed form a psychological perspective. I am going to do that planetary work from a Greek viewpoint. S-L-O-W-L-Y.
In just one read, I love this Greek version of the middle pillar. Don't try to pronounce the Greek from its English spelling, you won't get close.
Keter -Ego Eimi "I am"
Daath - Sophia "Wisdom"
Tipereth - Gnosis "Knowledge"
Yesod - Zoe "Life"
Malkuth - Naos "Temple"
For those interested, I pulled Regardie's The Middle Pillar from my library and found it there.
My Gal and are exciting about a minor remodeling project. New paint and a new bamboo floor! We bought some sample sizes of paints today and are painting test patches on the wall. There is no going back now!
I have three areas of magickal work I am considering:
- Conjuring all for elemental kings and then the angels of the seven planets
- Pursuing the "Pan"/Goddess connection. though I have concerns with Pan, much less the Goddess
- Working the Enochian water tablet
I don't think I need to do anything with item 2. If that continues to happen, that will manifest on its own. That which I am experiencing as Pan is loud and in my face. I will have no choice but to deal with him in some way, either acceptance, banishing or truce.
The other two are more my style. I will have to choose a path soon. I can feel it. I've been idle too long.
Responses to Comments Left
I love the comments and I read all of them. Sometimes I want to respond but I dont' have the time. Other times, I have nothing to add but I like receiving them.
THEO -- Thanks for the picture links! I sincerely appreciate the effort. First of all, it was very cool to have someone in a museum in Europe thinking of me in the backwaters of Fresno, California USA. That was a little harmless ego stroke for me. I really appreciate the picture links too. At first, I could not land the page on that second site but I see what you mean. That is the side of Pan that scares me. I don't know a lot of others that have dealt with Pan. I have no idea if my experiences, including those I'm not posting about, are typical or not.
Gordon -- I tend to be nice to my readers and comment posters. However, sometimes I have to vehemently disagree. Conjuring a spirit and ingoring its lore is downright foolish and not to mention dangerous. Yes, magick can be worked under a social construct but there is a social saftey aspect to the concept of one's reputation. If three friends tell me a person is a thief, I'm going to get to know him pretty well before he enters my home invited. Same here. With lore like that i am going to learn about this spirit as much as possible before extending and invite.
There is a saying in magick, don't conjure anything you can't banish. I have Pan on me right now and I'd have a heck of problem banishing him should I choose to. I am not about to invite big loud spirit number 2 into the mix. There are old sane magicians and young sane magicians but no magician stays sane by being overly bold. The work is subtle. The bulldozer approach should be avoided.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
I do remember some dreams from last night. They involved seeing some real life friends that are magickal associates. We were all in a room. I remember seeing K and politely offering him my chair which he just as politely declined. I can't say I was lucid but, like all my dreams, it felt more real than they used to.
I am contemplating the Magickal Minute and negotiating with folks to do my first paid classes. I think I was inspired to do that because of Joe, RO and one of the shorter folks in my magickal circle.
Last night, I was really irritated about something but posting about it not right for the situation. I record it here just as a marker.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I popped into the temple room and asked the Enochian Angel of Mercury of Air for some help with my back. Having worked with him before, no ritual was necessary. S/he readily appeared and showed me a black earth beneath a symbol of Mercury. I suppose to confirm who s/he was. The answer was that it was not the right entity and to try Mercury of Air. So, I asked him about another matter. He said he'd help but I'd have to conjure him under the other king of tablet. He said it was mostly a procedural matter. Govermental angels! Wonderful. I asked if he'd be best for the duty I'd request. He said no but he'd be able to help it along. The best would be an entirely different class of Enochian spirit. He warned I was not ready for those, especially the airy versions.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
You introduced me to my mind
I suppose in an odd way it did. This period by myself, my job under threat, more pain killers than I'd ever want to take, introduced me to something else. Gratitude. I stopped and looked around. I have a teacher. I have many mentors. I've convenient 'enemies'. I have a magickal organzation. I have books. I have my own temple space. I have a home I can share with someone that would be in a world of hurt had I not offered a spare bedroom gratis. Besides the material things, for which I am much grateful, it seems the universe has conspired to bring Light into my life. How many people have a mentor of the quality that I do? How many people get to sit and chat with the likes of DuQuette, Greer and Webster? How many people get to meet people that push them along the path like My Gal, RO and Jason Miller? How many men get hammered by Pan and have a gal that says, "Okay, how do we handle that?"
The universe has done everything it could to bring Light or enlightenment or spirituality into my life. I will give myself credit in that I sought it and worked hard. But I worked just as hard at fighting that force I sought. Humans are wierd. The Universe, friends and mentors have been quite patient. I am a lucky man.
Last night, I followed the advice of my HGA and stayed up late. I followed his instructions to focus on my feet. To see my shoes. Then the sock. Then the foot itself. I slowly worked my way up my body and I could feel my body tingle in response to my focus. He once told me to listen to my body. I did and ate better. Now he is teaching me something similar. As I worked my way up, nothing remarkable happened, until I hit the currently painful area of my back. I saw something that I shall not describe on my spine. I looked at the opposite side and saw its mate. I would not be correct to say that these two objects, along with my spine, formed a cross. Yet, it wouldn't be incorrect either. I can not recall which of the next two events happened first. I felt gratitude. I turned the objects so they became vertical with my spine. I meditated on them. The structure sputtered like an old neglected engine and emitted balls of solid exhaust.
I flipped the structure around and the same scenario continued but it didn't feel right. I flipped it back so the exhaust vent was pointed down.
Last night, I dreamed that my phone rang. The sound was physical enough to wake me a bit but not enough to make me move. I realized it was a dream sound. I looked through my eyelides and found figures circling above my bed. Hooded humans in black, arms within the huge sleaves of their robes, hands clasped as in concentrated prayer. They didn't feel friendly. I felt fear. Then, I said no. I felt gratitude. The figures vanished in wisps of black.
Today, I still feel gratitude. I like me.
Politically Correct Disclaimer: I do not advocate the use of drugs for recreational or spiritual purposes. I merely accept that some folks do use them for both. I also am aware that my youthful foolisness had a positive side.
Monday, March 9, 2009
I am in a weird state of mind or soul.
I am a ceremonial magician. I am also a rigid bastard. Rigidity has served me well on my trek. It has (mostly) kept me out of trouble. From stage left, enter Pan.
Um. Yeah. I don't believe in fear. I feel it from time to time. And, unless you're pointing a gun at me, I run over it. Most of the time. When I can't do that, I ignore it. Being told that I blacked out twice, once while completely sober is well, sobering. It is against the rules I live by. Accidental or not, it is a serious problem. I do not get 'passive'. Ever. The gods love horses. They will run them into the ground, especially Pan. I wish I didn't like him. Then, I could boot him to the side. He'd kill me if he wanted and then we could start a new life. That isn't going to happen.
The above concept of being passive applies to my path, not someone else's. Those of the voodoo path are quite okay with it. Yet, I am not into the voodoo that you do and do so well. I'm sure there are other paths that are okay with passivity. It does not fit into how I was taught. Then again, I am becoming my own now. Maybe it is okay, now. And what do I care who it is okay with? I don't. I do care if I'm sliding off the path.
I have noticed something in my dreams that I've alluded to hear once or twice but didn't really have the words to describe them. I've mentioned the colors have changed. I couldn't' define how. All my life my dreams have been in darkness. There is light coming from (or reflected from) that which I encounter but all the action, even in 'daytime', looks and feels like night. There is darkness, lots of darkness. Now, there is ambient light. The structures and beings I encounter are more solid. Did I mention that there is ambient light? Does that mean I'm at a higher level of Yesod during my 'average' dreams? Don't know but I like this better. I feel more alive in my dreams. The feel more communicative even when I don't remember. My old dreams were just my subconscious playing out hopes, fears, dreams or whatever. Now, that subconscious part of me is directed, purposeful, communicating.
My back is a mess. That is making work a mess. A huge mess. A big mess. I can't post about that here.
I feel very much in transition. Frankly, pretty much like I'm dying. The kicker is, I don't care. I'm a bit anxious but in a really healthy state of mind. I've never been more secure in me. I'd like a few more friendships outside my 'play group', I'd like a bit more of a financial cushion but aside from that I am good. I am only insecure about one thing, which, would be inappropriate to post about. Life may all explode over the place in the next several months anyway. Odd. Yes, I know this a rambling post that will not win any composition awards. Yet, this is how my mind is right now. Present, yet off. Pleasant, yet a bit apprehensive of the method of death, not death itself. I am not resigned or indifferent. I am detached.
Saturday, Joe said, "[my name] is no more." He may be right.
I can feel that I am in a very exciting stage of the work and a very dangerous one. I am at that point that my HGA and my mentor warned me about when they told me to lay off the goetia for a while. I don't know why they said that. Except that I am in exactly that point that they were concerned about.
My universe appears to be changing. I am changing. I have fear. I have gleeful anticipation. Yet, even with resolute purpose, I feel lost. My HGA is telling me all is good. I am exactly where I need to be, right now. My emotions do not have the faith in my HGA that my intellect has or is that backwards? Hard to tell.
My HGA told me to make a list of all the things that interested me. He told me to focus on just those right now. There is a list of magick stuff and baseball. Baseball, will be a good thing.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Speaking of music, I found some interesting sites some of you may be interested in. The first is LastFM. Here you play something from the band you like and then play 'their' radio station. You are then treated to similar bands. What a great way to discover new music. The service is free. The second is called Pandora. This is similar except they have what they call the "Music Genome Project". They classify the music by all sorts of things and then link what you're playing to similar music. This is also free. If you're a music fan or want to be, check these out.
Next, we drove over to WitchDoctorJoe's for their rite. I'm not Wiccan. However, if he and his lovely wife were Christians, I'd likely still go. What they do is flat out awesome. I've never seen two people work so hard to show their kids how much they love them, even when they are angry. They are teaching their kids to live a magickal life at such a young age. How lucky they are! I'm always impressed and feel priviledged to be there.
I was speaking to Joe about the research and design of a Dionysus rite for Fresno's Pagan Pride Day next October. Officially, it won't be PPD but they don't have a new name yet. He said he's noted some serious changes. First, he was shocked that I, of all people, would be doing a pubic ritual. As a rule, I shun them. As a rule, I find the energy icky. Yet, here I am. Secondly, after I pointed out his dogs were crawling all over me, something they haven't done in the past, he said it isn't just the dogs. I feel different. Something is changed. Then he hit me with a bomb shell. He said, I grabbed him with both hands by the shirt, pulled him close and said, "If Pan wants something, you'll never sleep until he gets it." Then I smoothed out the wrinkles in his shirt. He said I was very intense. I do remember him coming to my room to drop something off. I do not remember that at all. My Gal pointed out that at the Morrison ritual, I kissed quite a few of the women. I only remember one. Before any one gets upset, I had permission. I was appropriatley drunk at said ritual but not black out drunk. I'd assume I was black out drunk except for three things. That has only happened once in my life, I didn't have that much alcohol and when the Joe incident happened, I was three days sober.
I'm doing a lot of research on Pan right now and enjoying every minute of it. I am doing some artistic things as well with equal enjoyment. Things changed the weekend of Pantheacon.
I feel like crap. My back has been very painful for two weeks now and I've had too many pain killers. So, even when it doesn't hurt, I feel the lingering effects as my body detoxes. I'm not even 'clean' before it hurts again the cycle repeats. This suck but the rest of life is great!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
I saw another bumper sticker today, Good Happens. Excellent. So, let me share a bit about teachers.
When I stopped doing magick badly by myself, I joined a group and did magick badly with them. Their magick may or may not have been great. I leave that decision to be made by the gods, who have a much better perspective than I. However, I was miserable. Even were I to give them 100% credit for being the world's best whatevers, they were not for me. My official mentor in that group actually ordered me not to read. Had I had the brain of a half smart chimp, I would have left then.
But since, I've encountered other teachers. At Pantheacon, I saw Lon Milo Duquette. I thanked him for Enochian Vision Magick and told him that it came at just the right time. His book had removed obstacles. His reply? "That is my job."
I have mentor. He's never fortified my obstacles but helped me past them when I could not help myself. More often, he gave me the tools to climb over them, move around them, assimilate them, or make the mountain a mole hill. I have no reason to believe he hasn't done that for others. Though, I will mention with no slight toward him, he isn't perfect. My relationship with him is not one of blind adoration.
The new leader of my former group dropped one by day unexpectedly for a chat. In that chat was healing. She asked for nothing in return.
At Pantheacon, I attended some classes run by Jason Mankey. He has helped me to understand Pan. He didn't go to Pantheacon with the idea of helping Frater POS. He went because he provides a service. As part of that, he kindly responded to an email asking for a book recommendation on Pan. I dropped a $100 on the book. I've read ten pages. Between what I experienced at Jason's rituals and my prep for his ritual (taught by my mentor) and the first ten pages of that book, so much about my former group makes more sense. So much about me makes more sense. A healing, from what was for me a huge psychological trauma, is underway.
Jason asked for nothing. In fact, it cost him about $1,000 to attend Pantheacon. He performed a service. Being of service is not about getting a gratuity, it is about being grateful enough to share. Lon Milo, my mentor, Jason Mankey, teachers all. Teachers in a positive way. Teachers that understand service.
Lon makes a buck (a small one) for providing his service. The others do not. That doesn't diminish Lon at all.
To them, I make the same promise I have made to those that have initiated me. When I am ready, I will do the same for others as you have done for me.
I know that there were human sacrifices made to him etc. I want to understand his festivals, his lore etc. as researched by serious scholarly types.
If anyone can point me to anything I'd appreciate it. Even if it to someone else that may be able to help, it would be a start.