Saturday, May 16, 2009

Moving On to Air

The Stavish book says you do a week with each element as you're learning to lucid dream. Then you do a week with each planet. So be the rules.

Last night, as I was meditating on the earth symbol encased in the red ball, it was very clear that I was done. Air, here I come. As I meditated, I prayed to my HGA to clear the blockages of air that I may explore. I had many dreams that involved me being taught something and one involved my sister's family and me sneaking away from them to get a bagel because they couldn't decide where to eat breakfast. I am sure that had some deep mystical meaning! The dreams where I was being taught were confusing. As I started to wake I tried to remember them and then decided that they were not Stavish related. Why I thought that I don't know. Then I decided my HGA did not answer my prayer. Immediately, I felt the shell of my main issue. I felt how tense it made my entire body. It was a bit creepy. That may have lasted for three seconds. 

As a reflection of the great Eleusinian mysteries, I was talked to and then shown. 

Enochian Temple and Tarot:

Today, we put the Enochian temple back up. There is an ebb and flow to things with a necessary pause. The flow part has begun again. In part because I need to learn more about the tarot. I have spent a good part of the afternoon working with the first group of downloads and then working my way through the last one, disks, which is proving difficult. Nanta has explained why. I don't have the time to give that dissertation at the moment. 

For the most part this is my personal system of tarot and that system is designed for one purpose. I am not going into a bunch of detail but I do plan on teaching it locally. I am still writing though only up to 2,500 words or so.

Well, this is about my third entry today. I have been bouncing in and out of temple staring at tarot cards. It is HARD. I feel like this is a reflection of my GD-style initiations, even one's I have yet to take! There is an introduction, a harsh reality, even a terror that spawns a retreat. Then one is ready to proceed.

Fourth entry of the day now.

I meditated on EHNB. S/he is the ruler of the Tablet of Union. I basically told her that I was done. I needed to reconcile the elements and needed to do it now. Furthermore, I am going to astral project.  

I invited her in my body. She poured into me like a liquid. I was startled and said "you have a human form?" Her answer was that she filled my form as that makes me more comfortable. There was certain Pan-like quality that didn't match anything I'd associate with Pan. When she heard the name in my head she said that by her filling my body (attuning me) I would be in greater attunement to Pan. By working with Pan, I'd be in greater attunement with her. However, she made it quite clear that they are not compatible at the same time. She was quite firm. 

Regardless, she told me that in order to do what I needed to do, I needed to give up thoughts. This lined up nicely with moving on to air in the Stavish meditations. She said there were certain thoughts that kept me from projecting.  She asked me if I was ready to give them up. I said yes. She made sure that I meant yes by asking, "No matter what they are?" Naturally, I agreed. 

I then saw a string that dropped from my brain deep into the earth. She told me to release it and I did. It snapped back into the earth like elastic. This happened several times. Some were thoughts about myself, others, the work etc. One of those thoughts involved my inner need to be perfect. I am very hard on myself for not being perfect. Most of the time, folks are simply not aware at how much I beat myself up for my mistakes but I do. I asked where this thought came from. 

Instantly, I was back in kindergarten. The image was quite clear. I was taken back to the point of a story long told in my family for a laugh. As a child, I would always want to color with the black crayon. My class mates would be more than happy to hand it over. A teacher noticed this and thought I was color blind. I was taken to three or four doctors. I think one of them was a mental health person but I could be mistaken on that point. On my second or third trip to an eye doctor to test for color blindness the doctor asked me why I colored with the black crayon. I said it was the only one I didn't have to wait for or fight over. Everyone laughed and off I went. 

However, somehow in my young mind, this was connected that I had to be like everyone else or I was bad. I knew I wasn't like everyone else and off I went on this need to be perfect. It should be interesting to see if I give myself a break after this. Though she warned me that was a bit dangerous. If I am not balanced, I could go to the other extreme. 

She made all sorts of promises about astral projecting soon. I will wait and see if that happens. Her soon and my soon may mean two different things. Human time and spirit time are not the same.

I did ask here if the strings tying me to the earth were reality. She did not have a way of explaining that to my mind. She said they were metaphor that were closely connected to reality. 





3 comments:

The Scribbler said...

"I had many dreams that involved me being taught something and one involved my sister's family and me sneaking away from them to get a bagel because they couldn't decide where to eat breakfast. I am sure that had some deep mystical meaning! The dreams where I was being taught were confusing. As I started to wake I tried to remember them and then decided that they were not Stavish related. Why I thought that I don't know."

I have two specific remarks:

1. If you think a dream had some deep mystical meaning, but it's not immediately apparent to you, perhaps you should whip out that dreamworking document I linked in a previous comment,"Working (and playing) with dreams" (http://www-usr.rider.edu/~suler/pdffiles/dreams.pdf), and play with one or two of the dreamworking methods.

2. I have had the very same experience incubating dreams with the Stavish technique in question. I have the distinct sensation that I am "being taught" but the "instruction" occurs somewhere between the dreaming and waking level of consciousness, in that bizarre and often unrestful state of half-dream. I hear snippets of phrases that roll over and over in my mind. And then, as I lie in bed after the alarm clock goes off, trying to recall what I was taught/dreamed, unlike a "real" dream, it just evaporates into thin air, and I don't remember a damned thing. This is significant in my case, because otherwise I have written over 120 pages of dream notes in the last year alone. My dream memory is far better than the average bear's. I'd be curious if the other frater who is working on the Stavish material has experienced anything similar.

Unlike you, I have assumed what I was being "taught" did have something to do with the dream incubation, but for some reason I am not attuned well enough to the frequency the phenomenon happens at to remember it clearly.

Frater POS said...

I think it did to. I was trying to convey in a half aware state, I had decided against it, only to be hit with another lesson. Having thought about it, I'd agree the teaching dreams are part of the process. More so now that I know you've experienced the same thing. I had forgotten about that link, I will look at it today. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Hi! I'd be intersted in these Stavish techniques you often write about. Where can i find them? I discovered a site with some links and some of Stavish's books available in Italy, but I still don't know what i need to look for exactly.
Thanks for you time and for your very interesting posts.
Not-so-anonymous Simon